deliver me

Deliver me

"silently such a deadly crime, to think that I own my own life. Deliver me from my selfish pride."

I get overwhelmed by emotion so often. Today was one of those days. Thankfully God shook me with Proverbs 18:2

"a fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart."

Too often I seek to express MY heart without understanding the other side. My posture is self seeking. How am I following the example of the perfect servant?

With an overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

If I actually sat and listened to myself think about others, people that have hurt me, people that act out of hurt, I neglect the position of servant and act out of the position of victim. Jesus never claimed victimization. He never villainized people. He chose to see each individual and love them. Even though it was because of them that He would die, he would hurt.

And I have a hard time praying for/forgiving a man that made promises he couldn't keep....

When I act out of hurt, I am putting myself and my need to be heard above another.

I make wishes on dandelions. Only one of them hasn't come true. And i have been wishing on them since childhood. They ultimately become a prayer. What if I made those wishes on behalf of others?

A servant puts the needs of others above her own.

Take it one step further: a servant of the Lord puts the needs of others before her own, OUT of a deep love and admiration for the creator of servanthood. It is through her pursuit of learning to be like Him that she BECOMES more like Him.

Transformation.

I was put on this earth to share the word and to share Him. But I do it because I KNOW He keeps His promises. And He promises to love me, to forgive me and to set me free. He promises to never leave me. He promises to mold and make me. It is through the grace and acceptance that I share my heart. We walk in a world of brokenness. How can I keep the ultimate healer hidden?

a good day.

this is peace. 

God is not committed to our comfort, but committed to our character.

“Our trials are not random persecutions. Heaven is not in a panic and where we are and what we are going through is no surprise to God. We may be knocked down and kicked around by life, but if we have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, we will not be destroyed.

God is not committed to our comfort, but committed to our character. 

Check out 

Malachi 3:3

He is refining us like silver, though it may seem at times you are getting burned, in the pits of hell, He keeps a watch and is refining you/me/us to the point where though we feel our suffering won't end, He anticipates making us more refined, pretty, whole.”

Tracy Le sent me this on one incredibly difficult morning. I sobbed.  

made new

"just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly..."

i love this quote. 

i relate it to the work that the Lord does in our lives. in my brokenness, He creates a masterpiece. although painful, He molds and transforms. This God, this creator, is my Healer, and the Redeemer of life. my life included. "perseverance must finish its work so that you may be complete, lacking nothing."

in the realm of healing, and the healing of others, we must not be limited to seeing people as they are.

we must take the time to dive into the depth of humanity to find the scarce bit of good in each person.

if we hold each other to a standard that only entertains face value, we commit a vast disservice to each other. 

"to affirm a person is to see the good in them that they cannot see themselves and to repeat it in spite of appearances to the contrary." -Brennan Manning

Never settle in relationships where you are not encouraged to be made new, that do not daily encourage you to strip your old self, and strive for the new. this proves the daily necessity for our soul caretaker. the  One who restores, the One who looks at His love, you, and says, "My sweet little one, it is you that i take delight in. It is in your contagious laughter where i find joy. i have entrusted you with a desire to serve others. be new and bring hope."

"but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And HOPE does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

hope does not disappoint us. 

freedom

Freedom

A word that evokes hope. We strive for it, we yearn to feel it, but sadly we resort to feelings of bondage, control, and stagnation.

I remember times when I would want to run, sprint through wide open fields away from the stresses of everyday life.

I wonder if healing, to any degree, has anything to do with freedom. I recall a sense of limitless possibility when I had healed from a broken relationship of several years. The work of the Lord was not yet finished.

"if you abide in my word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you FREE." John

Knowing truth.

Truth about God and His character.
I am assured that God knows what is best for me. I am promised the presence of the Holy Spirit, and I KNOW that the Holy Spirit is my advocate. (love that word, it's what I strive to be)

"In hope that creation itself will be LIBERATED from it's bondage to decay and brought into the glorious FREEDOM of the children of God." Romans

It is amazing to think of my struggles as bondage to decay. I had never seen it that way. All those things that drag me down and keep me from living in the fullness of the Lord will ultimately lead to my soul decay.

But as children of God, praise You Abba, we have glorious freedom. We have the strength to move, to love, to grieve, to heal-freely in His presence. And we are liberated, rescued, SET FREE from the chains that so easily entangle us.

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has rescued me

"Now, the Lord is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM."

Hallelujah. (highest praise)

shelter

I took a run.

Sometimes I make it through and others I have a time of silence on sunset cliffs.

Today I needed silence.

I kept meditating on the phrase "Be still and know that I am God."

At different times in life we resonate with different aspects of this verse. This proves that the Word is living and working in us.

In my time of solitude the Lord showed  His provision over my life. I was encouraged to stop and take note of the presence of the Lord in my daily life. He is my firm foundation when I awake. I feel the wind, such is the Holy Spirit, we know not which way He works. Just as He provides for the birds of the air, won't He provide for me, His child?

Peace.

And then, just as quickly as it arrived, my mind took over, and peace disappeared. I became overwhelmed with confusion and distress.

"if I just reach out, just for a moment, could everything change? If I just reach out for the hem of His garment, could everything change?"

"he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

Shelter. Protection. Those inside the shelter don't understand all that is outside of it, but are ASSURED of safety.

The clouds rolled in and I found literal shelter in an alcove in the rocks. I could feel the wind, but the warm, less harsh bite. It was the soft reminder of a God that knows what I can handle, and whether i understand or not, He protects me.

Rest.

He changes me.

for this reason...

I have decided...as of today....and after extensive provoking, to share my thoughts and stories.

Journals no longer suffice. (partially because I am tired of writing, and I am faster at typing)

I have little knowledge. I am not wise. I am a student, and I hope to be until the day I die.

But the little I know, and the things I experience may be helpful, no, hopeful, to someone.