weary

Transitions and change bring about emotional and physical stress. Transformation is not a magical process in which we awake to find ourselves a brighter image of the God we love. No, it is a constant pruning, a work in progress.

I find myself voicing feelings of weariness. This is not congruent with the woman God made me. But it is a result of my mind constantly working, trying to make sense of the world around me. 

so i stop.

"come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

rest. a word I crave.

"He leads me beside still waters, and restores my soul."

If I truly Trust the Lord with the situations and relationships around me, I am able to surrender them, to resist the overwhelming power that they could hold in my life. to surrender....even Jesus struggled through it. 

Mark 14: 35-36

“And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

Jesus, the perfect example, asked God to remove his trial, his insurmountable obstacle, but chose to submit to the Father he loved and trusted. In surrender, I choose to walk each day knowing that He has a purpose for me; He has a plan. I choose to say “not my will, but Yours be done.” 

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Gal 6:9

Although I cannot constantly see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am promised that the Lord will make me of use if I continue to seek Him and live courageously. Do not lose heart. The Latin root of courage is whole-hearted. 

Abba gives such life-giving opportunities every single day. If I allow myself to see them, I'm taking heart. I'm living courageously.

i surrender, i surrender, to You.

use me Lord, use me. 

Soil

This beautiful passage was written by a wonderful friend, Kelly Wells. A woman that has allowed God to transform and mold her in painful ways.

"The seeds were planted 18 months ago, and the Lord needed to churn the soil of my heart and provide fresh water in order to soften it. Then--and only then--could I recieve the seeds that I am designed to grow.

 

My soil is different from my neighbor's garden. While I may be preparing for oranges, the woman on my right may be getting ready for peaches. While my soil may be soaking in water and the seed grow under ground where no one can see, the garden from the woman on my left may already be sprouting greens. And when I look at the garden across from me, she has been cultivating longer than I so the Lord uses her beautiful blossoms as a visual encouragement to me--that someday I may be where she has patiently and faithfully waited to arrive.

 

We each have an individual garden, and our fruit and season of that gardening is incomparable to our neighbors'. Yet the Gardener sees the value and purpose in EACH ONE; He understands the season of the individual and puts the correct ingredients to specifically help each soil where SHE is at. He sees the beautiful potential in each fruit, and the different nutrients that fruit will bear to the ones who eat it.

 

I must therefore trust the Gardener...trust the amount of rain He provides and the time spent churning the soil. For He knows the fruit I am meant to bear."

watch me

resilience

resilience

the ability to grow in difficult circumstances.
I love this word. I heard that every experience has the power to create an opportunity to grow: YOU decide whether to let it happen to you, or to take from it. 

As a Christ-follower, we are called to live each day in a state of resilience. The book of James takes on a whole new meaning when I experience pain of any sort. (read it) Choose joy? Even when life seems unbearable?
But I believe its deeper than a joyful state of mind. Joy is more than forced smiles and the false illusion that I need to hold things together. Joy is the decision to experience trial and CHOOSE to trust in a hope that extends far beyond the immediate pain. A hope that is promised even in the Old Testament.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. And when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me." 

And this hope never changes, this promise never ceases because our God is consistent.

I spent a long time studying the book of James in order to learn what putting hope in the Lord meant. I still have not mastered it, and I still struggle with actually putting hope in the Lord. If i'm honest with myself, I have spent years putting my hope in other things, whether it be relationships, joys, awards, or even school. 

God promises to do infinitely more than i could ask or imagine. He has plans for me, you, specifically. I was not created to live in the shadow of a good man. Granted, someday I hope to share my life with a good man, but i need to stand alone as a good woman first. When i say "good", i mean a woman in a "constant state of God-transformation good." 

Theres this cheesy broadway song called "watch me soar," it would be my dream to sing it on an open stage. The message is powerful. "I'm not the young girl you once knew. I'm now a woman standing in front of you." "You've given me love, you've given me trials, I've given you tears, I've given my heart for so many years. Now its my time to soar."

God ultimately is that catalyst to freedom and the ability to soar. the excitement of new possibilities. He is the provider of a hope that endures....

A hope that all things, all pain, can be redeemed and put to use. If I take the time to look at my own life, I would not have the passions I have, or the desire to serve the Lord had I not been through a pit of hell. God has transformed that area of my life. Through that transformation, I can offer grace and receive peace from a situation that 4 years ago was void of both. 


I'm kicking myself by having a "prove it" conversation with Abba about His role as the true and only healer. In past relationships, pain has been eased by the presence of another relationship better suited to me. This time I have been asking God to be the source of healing, void of shortcuts. 


I do this becasue I want to be able to boldly proclaim that the Lord is the only reason my heart is full. I'm not there yet, but I desperately want to be. I am tired of hurting. I am weary. But if I am going to share that He does offer restoration, I want to confidently experience it. 


"You see all my pain, and cry over it for hours until I'm new again. You make me new." 


The promise of being new allows me to be resilient. well, for today. 

deliver me

Deliver me

"silently such a deadly crime, to think that I own my own life. Deliver me from my selfish pride."

I get overwhelmed by emotion so often. Today was one of those days. Thankfully God shook me with Proverbs 18:2

"a fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart."

Too often I seek to express MY heart without understanding the other side. My posture is self seeking. How am I following the example of the perfect servant?

With an overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

If I actually sat and listened to myself think about others, people that have hurt me, people that act out of hurt, I neglect the position of servant and act out of the position of victim. Jesus never claimed victimization. He never villainized people. He chose to see each individual and love them. Even though it was because of them that He would die, he would hurt.

And I have a hard time praying for/forgiving a man that made promises he couldn't keep....

When I act out of hurt, I am putting myself and my need to be heard above another.

I make wishes on dandelions. Only one of them hasn't come true. And i have been wishing on them since childhood. They ultimately become a prayer. What if I made those wishes on behalf of others?

A servant puts the needs of others above her own.

Take it one step further: a servant of the Lord puts the needs of others before her own, OUT of a deep love and admiration for the creator of servanthood. It is through her pursuit of learning to be like Him that she BECOMES more like Him.

Transformation.

I was put on this earth to share the word and to share Him. But I do it because I KNOW He keeps His promises. And He promises to love me, to forgive me and to set me free. He promises to never leave me. He promises to mold and make me. It is through the grace and acceptance that I share my heart. We walk in a world of brokenness. How can I keep the ultimate healer hidden?